nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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