I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
