Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
