God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
