I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
