I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
