well you can't waste a boner
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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