my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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