i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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