I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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