My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
