foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
