zippers are such a cool invention
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
