You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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