pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
