yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
