I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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