I don't usually arrange sex via text message
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
