It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
