I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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