If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
