If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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