I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
