we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
