This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
