Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
