I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
