Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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