She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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