we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
