Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
