i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
