Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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