Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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