I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
