I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
