He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
