I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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