so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Randomize
