EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
