his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
