eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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