Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
