So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
