Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The power of my boobs compel you
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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