Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
