also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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