The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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