Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
