I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
