His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
