and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
